Posted in Diary Entry, life update

Boxing Day; Cousins, Realisations and A Lot of Trivia

Hi guys, just thought I’d have a little check in to let you know how my day’s been. I mean technically it’s the 27th now but oh well we can pretend right.

I have had a dawning realisation since being home in this town and that’s that I’ve grownwho-cares out of a lot of things. The things that were important to me before are not anymore – not in a bad sense but just that they don’t mean life or death to me anymore as they used to.

I can live without a lot of things, I even find myself turning down social interactions just so I can crack on with my writing (you must have noticed that I’ve been a lot more active on this blog). I used to care about the number of likes and views on my blog, now I just care about the therapeutic nature of writing and having a place where I can store my life and memories.

So, what have I done today?

My Auntie and cousins came down from Coventry to visit us for boxing day and to be
honest I was a little apprehensive about the idea due to all the work I have had to do. In the end I really enjoyed going down and messing around with them all. It was a lot of fun meeting my cousins new boyfriend, chatting about anime and me lecturing them both on WW2 and literature.

(They’re both about to do their GCSE’s you see)

And joking around with my Aunt and Uncle, and chasing my little 7 year old cousin around the house- although the little sod did accidentally kick me in the throat. My friend Freya would have been impressed with his karate moves aha!

And then my parents friends Helen and Alex joined us too and we chatted about books and university life. It was incredibly fun, and then my cousins et al left and we all played trivia. Danny (brother) got peed off that he didn’t know any of the answers though and went upstairs sulkily.

Funny boy.

So yeah that’s howboxing-day my days been thus far. After that, I headed upstairs, danced to some Bowie and did some linguistic work. I was going to crack on with my Hero and Leander poem but to be honest I want a whole day to invest into researching and writing that up. And I was in the mood to get some work done whilst listening to music (something I can only do when writing notes and not when I actually have to be paying attention).

But yes, this has been my day. I could probably get through another workshop for linguistics but I’m knackered and would much rather watch some netflix and drift to sleep.

Also, I might as well document that my emotions have been a roller coaster of late and I stayed up till three am last night writing angrily in my journal and listening to The Clash.

I truly am a strange one…

-E

xxx

P.S. ^^^ This is pretty much the only thing that comes up on Google Images when you type in Boxing Day gif…

 

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Posted in Diary Entry

Suicide Squad, Baby Ducklings, University & Books on my TBR List.

Hi there,

Long time no see, eh? Well for all those who wish to know I got into the University of Nottingham the other day to do a joint honour of English and History! Whoop whoop! I start late September and will update this blog as soon as I know what the hecks going on.

So onto other things. I went to see Suicide Squad today and over to Alex’s house today for the first time since our little hiccup. Everything was fine, thank goodness and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. They even have two little ducklings called Eggbert and Sweetie in an incubator at the moment. Soon to be new members of their animal family.

But yes, my thoughts on Suicide Squad? Well, seeing as Harley Quinn is one of my harley geopfavourite characters of all time I have been looking forward to seeing this movie for at least a year and although in my opinion I loved it, there were parts and patches that felt…. uh a little undeveloped.

I know quite a bit about Miss Quinzel and thought that her and the Jokers characters- although having flashbacks (not all of which made sense)- weren’t as focused on which was a shame since they are meant to be the main characters of the comics at least. That and the fact that Poison Ivy was absent really upset me.

So although I thought it was a good stand alone movie, I found the focus on Deadshot (Will Smith) to be overly emphasised despite him not being as major a character in the series as Harley and the others. So I could see why some die hard fans may have been a tad miffed – he was the core focus of the movie and the development of characters wasn’t as balanced as it should have been.

harley pinkBut Oh well, I still loved Harley ( me and Alex actually went to Halloween as Harley and the Joker last year… I’ll see if I can dig out the picture).

Anyway, onto my ever growing TBR list. I’ll admit I am in the middle of quite a number of novels at the moment but here are the major ones.

By the way I will be starting a series of book reviews and am open to receiving requests (email me if you’re interested) as well as joining forces with other bloggers to write some posts together. I still have a Liebster award post to get too as well… darn I got busy quickly.

TBR List:

  • The Princess Bride by William Goldmanprincess bride
  • The Monk by Matthew Lewis
  • Super Better by Jane McGonigal
  • The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.

Yep, it’s a lot of reading to be doing and that with a publishing internship and being a team member of another site means that I am constantly writing.

Which is actually quite fun, so I’m not complaining.

Anyway, I’ll post more tomorrow!

-E

xxx

Posted in poetry

Emotional People Are a Blessing in Disguise

It’s easy to be the weakest link

You’re the open book

You have no tricks up your sleeves

Like these other people thieving

Hearts and secrets

Capitalising from gossip

And false promises.

And yet in the end

We’re the ones they turn too.

The uh-oh I was an idiot to let them go.

We’re not cheaters.

Not con artists.

Plain sailing

Simple creatures

So don’t use sensitivity as an insult

Because it’s incredibly brave

To bare it all to the world.

 

-E

P.S. Listen to this if you’re feeling a bit down, because it takes courage to share your thoughts πŸ™‚

Posted in Diary Entry

Diary Entry ~ 27th June

Hi there,

Yes I am using this blog as a diary of sorts. Right now I am in a calm-ish mood, no “tempest sighs” or “tear floods” as our good old friend John Donne would say (A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning for those of you interested in the poem). No, today has been a busy day which therefore means it has been good.

The key thing with the anxiety I am experiencing is not to feed it with wasted time which lets your mind dwell on the not so great aspects of life. That’s where the fear mounts.

Unfortunately, I can’t do much about it in my sleep. That’s when it catches me out and I’m subjected to disjointed nightmares and inescapable circumstances.

Hopefully this doesn’t continue all summer…

To Do List’s work best for me personally, if you have an aim to complete for the day then there will be no need for medication.

Today I went to town with Gaby, bought a new razor, wet wipes and my most favourable cheese strings. Then we went back to hers and played Disney Trivial Pursuit (which I lost at grrr) and then took her dog Toby out for a walk, in which he ran after every single bus and cyclist that went by, truly talented in that regard.

And when I came home I found that my purse and shoes for prom had arrived as well as an unexpected gift from one of my mums friends, some books that she thought I might like.

As far as days go it was pretty good, the nagging anxieties were at the back of my mind and I actually started feeling like myself again.

But that apparently wouldn’t last long. I got an unknown call on my phone which turned out to be a close friend, her boyfriend although meaning well – lectured me on the phone for a good twenty minutes. I could feel myself spiralling as he assured me that getting into university wasn’t everything and going into detail about exams and examiners.

Again, I know he was trying to be helpful but the thought of school and exams and the horribly immediate future triggered me and I just needed to get off the phone.

That’s when the black mood descended on me. I automatically out of habit sook comfort from the one reliable source I had.

Alex.

My boyfriend to me is like an orb of sunshine. Happy, untouchable and consistent. I know it’s terrible to depend on someone, push all your problems on them etc. But out of everyone he’s truly the only person who understands how to cope with me and calm me down.

It’s an abuse of power I know, to deal with a girlfriend constantly suffering from panic attacks, to be fine one moment and depressed the next. But he has done extremely well, and I feel extremely guilty.

I know it sounds sappy but I wish I didn’t have to go to University and be far away from everyone, I wish my mind wasn’t in this hazy, incoherent state but normal. I want to fast forward ten years and be living in a little cottage gardening and writing books with Alex.

Instead I’m forced to deal with the conflict in my head. If the feeling of being a deer caught in the headlights would seize anytime soon and I could get back to enjoying being myself I would very much appreciate it.

Anyway, I’m going to the doctors next Monday to talk to them more in detail about it.

I’ll write more tomorrow on how I’m feeling or perhaps do something more worth reading like a poem or book review.

Sincerely,

E