Stuck in the same moment
My brain gets stuck in the same moment
Never ageing, never growing,
It feels like these grudges won’t let go
I bottle it up
But never set it out to sea
When will my head be free?
I’m a scrambled
Up game of cats cradle
Where do I start
When will I end?
Why don’t you try and untangle me
Run your fingers through my hair
Remind me of how it feels
To have you be there.
Because I try to let things go
I want to let the hurt dissipate
But I’m a stuck record
And I can’t change track
Unless you help me switch the Vinyl
Play some Beatles
Give me Doris Day
Anything to get the happy go lucky girl back.
Because I know you miss her
You want sunshine
And I give you clouds of grey.
You want happily ever after
Like we always talked about
But I’m a short fuse these days.
Bursts of laughter
Bursts of rage
And you’re afraid to get too close
To the ever present danger zone.
Christmas time, when all the children are grown up
And the parents are being spoilt for a change.
When you sleep through the stocking being placed in your room
Whereas years before you were up at the start of day.
When you walk downstairs
And smell the dinner cooking
The coffee brewing
And everyone in one room – for once.
And the dinner table, laid with white, gold and red.
The streams of alcohol, freely flowing
And your mother glowing with pride
At her perfectly crisp roasties.
The Christmas crackers, terrible jokes, bad trivia games
And much much more.
These are all a part of this time of year.
No matter how much older we all get-
We’ll always reunite here.
My thoughts are open
My heart is warm
Deceit and superstition
Are slowly being drained away
Like a poison that once festered
Slowly it seeps out.
Love is harmless, questionable and complicated.
But it’s love at the end of the day
And some days I am hard as a rock
Stubborn, irritable and like a girl crying wolf
But others, more often now
I lead with my heart and my feelings
Not so headstrong
But still strong enough to push the demons away
In return for your millionaire smile
Which is priceless to me
So forget the pointy shards of glass that dig into you
Because they are made of ice
And you melt them with a kiss.
It’s easy to be the weakest link
You’re the open book
You have no tricks up your sleeves
Like these other people thieving
Hearts and secrets
Capitalising from gossip
And false promises.
And yet in the end
We’re the ones they turn too.
The uh-oh I was an idiot to let them go.
We’re not cheaters.
Not con artists.
So don’t use sensitivity as an insult
Because it’s incredibly brave
To bare it all to the world.
P.S. Listen to this if you’re feeling a bit down, because it takes courage to share your thoughts 🙂
Even if I cut all ties with the world
A piece of thread would still connect us,
Silver and durable
Not even the Fates could cut it.
All your easy smiles
That wash away the big bad thoughts
That threaten me with gnashing teeth
And long sharp claws.
Are instantly thwarted with your magic words
And a ruffling of hair.
You are my lifeline
Eternal, constant, the one certain light-
At the end of the tunnel.
Making life simply good again.