Posted in life update, Student Story Time, TBR

Daily Update: Fire Alarms, Ant Infestations & TBR Lists

Hey again,

Interesting title for this one, eh? And yet it adequately sums up my day.

I awoke this morning after sleeping through three alarms and Kumar’s loud knocking on my door (I asked him to be my alarm clock) and got up at the undignified hour of 11:30.

This is what happens when I have days off…

I then proceeded to sit in bed and create yet another new blog and wrote the first part of a short story on said new blog.

Then at about 12 ish I decided it was time to get a shower, you know, because that’s what normal functioning people tend to do (except usually a lot earlier).

I was finally ready by about 1pm. Now, reader you may be wondering how on earth it teddy dancetook a gal like me roughly an hour to get ready. I could lie and say it was my hair – but I have a pixie cut so that would fail.

The reality was this. I decided to dance around my room listening to my epic “Happy Jammys” playlist on spotify singing into my hairbrush.

I will admit I have now got a bruise on my right arm from struggling to both sing along and put on my shirt. Because multi-tasking isn’t my forte and I clearly put singing along to Runaway by Del Shannon above my own safety.

Moving swiftly on from my lack of adulthood capabilities… I walked into the kitchen to grab some shopping bags only to be met with the sight of a billion *exaggeration* evil ants running along our counter.

Aaaaaaaghhh!

Admittedly, I did rage out a bit and started smacking them all with a piece of kitchen towel and a lone glass that some drunkard had left in our flat eons ago.

I then went and did my food shop at Lidl and then came back to see them pretty much gone. Until like five seconds ago, when they came back again. But it’s cool I have let Tom the security guard know and he’s going to get the exterminators in.

mahThen the fire alarm went off and I swear to gawd the world just doesn’t want me to revise today…

I did get some reading done today which leads me onto the next point of business. My TBR list.

I finished both England, England by Julian Barnes and Crossing the River this month. And I am planning to have read A Clockwork Orange and Much Ado About Nothing as well.

Well, there’s not really anything else of interest to write right now and I guess I should actually do some more work…. Uuuuuugh.

Chat soon!

 

-E xxx

 

Posted in Diary Entry, life update

Hi Again! Long Time No See

Hi there blog world,

It’s been a long time no see so I just thought I would give you a little update on how university life was going.

I have just finished my January exams and to be honest today I feel sooooo tired, all those nights at Hallward Library  have hopefully paid off but even if things don’t go as planned I know I did the best I could have.

Life has been errr interesting to say the least. I hope that with the new term my blogging will start becoming more and more regular. To be honest life is just very very busy at the moment.

Last night was odd….. it was a very bad night actually. I don’t know if I should be so honest online but I have come to the conclusion that wine and me do not mix well. Wine is normally the cheapest and nicest thing to drink on a night out at prinks but lately it just seems to turn me weepy and a little bitchy too.

But anyway, the night itself. It all started off nice and there was a lot of dancing involved. Everyone got to see my terrible dad dancing- and the crab dance move was even incorporated at one point. But then the evening began to spiral. Thwinee wine really does heighten anxieties I think and I just remember starting to feel very upset.

I was a bit of a party pooper. But oh well, it’s just the thing about student accommodation and being in university in general is that you rarely have any time to yourself. My flat is very social and whilst it’s lovely 99.99% of the time. Sometimes it can become claustrophobic when you just want to be alone and wallow in your crazy emotions rather than be surrounded by fifty people.

The night ended with an argument, a walk at 2 ‘o’ clock in the morning and me falling asleep at 6am. Charming, right?

But yes, today has been pretty weird in itself and also very short. I went for a walk to the canal on my own and it pretty much hammered down with rain. But it was nice to get away from everything on my own and I even called my dad up and caught him up on my life.

Now, I am about to go out to see a movie with my flat mates and friends. It’s the one with James Macavoy who is just soooooo good looking aaaaahhhhh. But yes I may write a review on that when I get back or else I shall do so tomorrow.

Monday is the first day of term so I am very much trying to enjoy this time relaxing before getting back into that routine. I am also attempting to find a new job rather than waitressing, just because the hours are really screwing up my body clock and I’m just constantly tired all the time.

more wine.jpgI am very lucky to have such lovely people around me though. As I sit here writing this I’m in the kitchen with Naveedh, Kumar and Molly. Molly is who I went on the walk with last night and to be honest it was really nice to have such a frank and honest conversation. Yes, they really are a lovely bunch and I’ll be sad next year when we’re all apart, although I will still have Molly and the rest of them will just be across the road.

Anyway, the conclusion to this post is that life is weird, unis weird, feelings are weird, and I- I am very very weird.

See you,

E

Posted in Diary Entry

Diary Entry ~ 27th June

Hi there,

Yes I am using this blog as a diary of sorts. Right now I am in a calm-ish mood, no “tempest sighs” or “tear floods” as our good old friend John Donne would say (A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning for those of you interested in the poem). No, today has been a busy day which therefore means it has been good.

The key thing with the anxiety I am experiencing is not to feed it with wasted time which lets your mind dwell on the not so great aspects of life. That’s where the fear mounts.

Unfortunately, I can’t do much about it in my sleep. That’s when it catches me out and I’m subjected to disjointed nightmares and inescapable circumstances.

Hopefully this doesn’t continue all summer…

To Do List’s work best for me personally, if you have an aim to complete for the day then there will be no need for medication.

Today I went to town with Gaby, bought a new razor, wet wipes and my most favourable cheese strings. Then we went back to hers and played Disney Trivial Pursuit (which I lost at grrr) and then took her dog Toby out for a walk, in which he ran after every single bus and cyclist that went by, truly talented in that regard.

And when I came home I found that my purse and shoes for prom had arrived as well as an unexpected gift from one of my mums friends, some books that she thought I might like.

As far as days go it was pretty good, the nagging anxieties were at the back of my mind and I actually started feeling like myself again.

But that apparently wouldn’t last long. I got an unknown call on my phone which turned out to be a close friend, her boyfriend although meaning well – lectured me on the phone for a good twenty minutes. I could feel myself spiralling as he assured me that getting into university wasn’t everything and going into detail about exams and examiners.

Again, I know he was trying to be helpful but the thought of school and exams and the horribly immediate future triggered me and I just needed to get off the phone.

That’s when the black mood descended on me. I automatically out of habit sook comfort from the one reliable source I had.

Alex.

My boyfriend to me is like an orb of sunshine. Happy, untouchable and consistent. I know it’s terrible to depend on someone, push all your problems on them etc. But out of everyone he’s truly the only person who understands how to cope with me and calm me down.

It’s an abuse of power I know, to deal with a girlfriend constantly suffering from panic attacks, to be fine one moment and depressed the next. But he has done extremely well, and I feel extremely guilty.

I know it sounds sappy but I wish I didn’t have to go to University and be far away from everyone, I wish my mind wasn’t in this hazy, incoherent state but normal. I want to fast forward ten years and be living in a little cottage gardening and writing books with Alex.

Instead I’m forced to deal with the conflict in my head. If the feeling of being a deer caught in the headlights would seize anytime soon and I could get back to enjoying being myself I would very much appreciate it.

Anyway, I’m going to the doctors next Monday to talk to them more in detail about it.

I’ll write more tomorrow on how I’m feeling or perhaps do something more worth reading like a poem or book review.

Sincerely,

E