Posted in Love & Relationships

Love, What is it Good For?

This is a topic that I have been wanting to discuss on my blog for a while now.

I’m not criticising or even saying that this is everybody’s experiences but would like to merely observe and point out my own findings in this area.

Love. The strange chemical reactions that bounce around in our brains. It is literally like a drug, we crave it, we look for it.

I mean we all on some level want to feel the closeness of another human being. It’s like the itch that lives just beneath your skin when you have a secret to tell.

It’s almost like you’re saying, “Please get to know me, unearth all the hidden intricacies that live within me. I want to show you, I want to show someone.” And when you’re with them everything else melts away. Your heart picks up speed around them, there are very little boundaries between you.

You have essentially revealed your deepest darkest self to them. It can be dangerous.

But it can also produce a high like no over, all those endorphin’s seeping out from your skin like a thousand doves being released all at once. It can be freeing – but also binding.

Relationships and love in particular can also bring out our inner demons. Things that you previously didn’t have to think about all of a sudden seem relevant.

Envy, short temperateness and claustrophobia can also ensue in small doses. You can literally turn into a whole different person at times.

I wonder if that’s a natural response- to feel territorial?

It makes you wonder, what are they doing? Shouldn’t you go and see them? And little things that never bothered you or them suddenly come up.

Then again, that in a way is the gamble. You are literally showing someone every facet of your personality. Over time they’re going to see all your mood swings and emotional outbursts which seem to be over petty things.

All those things that beforehand you were able to tuck neatly away and show them a pre-made Marks and Spencer’s Own Dish rather than that shitty Tesco ready-meal that exists between the hours of 11-1pm before you’ve properly manufactured the pristine “everyday” appearance.

Wow, that was a bit of a ramble.

Sorry about that, but those were just my thoughts. My point is that relationships are revealing in the way that it is almost as though you gained access to your significant others mind.

But it’s definitely worth it in my own opinion. It takes a lot to “know” someone completely.

Ciao for now,

Esther 🙂

 

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Posted in Diary Entry, life update

Update: Back Again!

Hi everybody!

I am writing this on a rare day that I am not at work!  Isn’t that fun? I thought I would give you a brief update before I head out to commence today’s long awaited chores. So, without further ado here’s where I’ve been and what you’ve got to look forward too on this blog.

I have been in Brighton from the 1st of August till the 8th and then from the 9th till the 13th have been non-stop working. My time has been equally taken up with evenings filled with seeing friends and watching live broadcasts from the RSC at our local cinema. As well, my dad’s birthday is coming up and I have decided to write a short story for him about the war.

So, as you can see I have had a lot on my plate. But here are some upcoming posts to look forward too.

  1. My time in Brighton, specifically visiting Virginia Woolf’s house and my experience there.
  2. A review on Dodie Smith’s ‘I Capture the Castle’ (I am super excited to talk about it).
  3. Another review on Titus Andronicus.
  4. My TBR list (University Reading List mainly).
  5. Daily updates on my shenanigans.
  6. Another review on Angela Carter’s ‘Nights at the Circus’ which I am currently a short way off finishing (I may have put it down after becoming a tad obsessed with Smith’s book).
  7. A review on Laura Marling’s music.
  8. How To Prep for University.

My focus for the last week or so has been on finishing off a journal of mine which was quite time consuming but great practice when it comes to writing. That’s all finished now (I wrote 43 pages in about two and a half days) so I feel very accomplished and can now spend a bit more time on this and my other blogs.

Anyway, I am already behind schedule so should crack on with getting to the bank.

Goodbye for now!

-E

 

Posted in Diary Entry, life update

Life Update: Cats, Clubbing and Hubba Bubba Bubbles.

Hey everyone,

lateeeeJust a little post before I finish some others in the line up. I have been super busy with uni work, work work and magazine writing. Yes, it sure has been chaotic at the moment but I have a spare moment and thought I would give you lot a little update on my life.

The title for this one is a tad weird and most of it is in regards today so lets get cracking!

I accidentally overslept today and ended up missing my 9am and I was particularly annoyed because it was on Chaucer- my favourite!

I will admit I have been feeling a little low of late, I have had a lot on my mind (personal stuffs) but I managed to pick myself up again today.

At around half twelve I strolled into uni, dodging open day crowds and being forced to wait in the longest SPAR line known to mankind- and all for a packet of crisps, a bottle of Dr Pepper and some bubble gum! Then I walked into the door trying to get into the Impact meeting (the uni magazine) and was immediately sated with fudge from Amy the head of the Arts department.

I say offered, she was pretty much shoving it at us because apparently her gran got her 50 hubba bubbaboxes of the stuff and she’s not the fondest of fudge. Not that I’m complaining, I have the sweetest tooth to mankind after all!

We then discussed Print ideas and I now have a long list of things I need to get done varying from a week- a months time. I have 2 book reviews, another short story and an interview with two booktubers to get done.

To be fair I am actually pretty excited and as we speak I am cracking on with my latest modern Shakespeare creative writing piece. After that we looked at the new layout for the mag (editor roles etc) got depressed and then realised that me and Dan were both late for Academic Community. Whoops!

Other than that I kept blowing hubba bubba bubbles on my walk home and made a fool out of myself (seriously when do I not?) when it backfired and got stuck all over my face. I also walked to uni with lipstick all over my teeth this morning- so that’s great too!

I got bacat.jpgck a while ago and have been chatting to people in the kitchen and mainly to Naveedh.
I also went into super ninja mode and snuck Albi the cat into my room for a fuss. Before Naveedh then insisted on shooing him out. Gawd I miss my Tango. Never mind hopefully I’ll see him over Easter.

I guess the only other thing worth mentioning would be that I went out a lot last week – this seems to be becoming a habit now which isn’t good! I considered fitting that into this post but I just realised my clubbing stories are something else and will probably need a post on their own.

Look out for that tomorrow then!

See you soon,

E xxx

 

Posted in Diary Entry, life update

Life Update: Short Stories, St.David’s Day and Falling Over… A Lot.

Hey guys,

I have just gotten in from university and yes it has been a loooong time- but I have had a lot to keep me busy. I have been writing a lot for the university magazine Impact – I have awriting short story online as well as have just done a collab with Holly on a book horoscope piece.

So yeah life’s been going pretty well at the moment – which makes me pretty suspicious.

It was really funny earlier when I was in the kitchen because someone exclaimed, “Oh it’s St. Davids day!” and there was an audible pause in the room before Monty burst out laughing and said, “Of course it is!” and then we all looked at David at once.

I have one more little story before I head off (although I have some more from the past week that I will have to chat about tomorrow). Basically, I was skipping down the road yesterday feeling very happy – even though I was late for my seminar- when all of a sudden a man with a push chair came zooming around the corner.

pengBeing a polite lass, I went to slide out of his way, but then I went a little too fast and ended up doing a 360 twist before ending up looking like a turtle on its back, on the floor.

The worst thing is that I still had my earphones in and the guy was trying to ask if I was alright. But there’s always a silver lining to these incidents- as although my knees were skinned I didn’t rip my tights and I even ended up making a friend through it!

There was a girl behind me walking who stopped and helped me up. Her name was Boo and she was a fourth year philosophy student. We had a laugh about my clumsiness and walked together to our seminars. It was really weird actually because I mentioned that I wrote for the magazine and it turned out her boyfriend had read my Twelfth Night short story.

So yeah that’s just a snippet of the goings on over the last couple of days. I’m about to head out on a walk and then come back and crack on with some work.

Chat more tomorrow,

E xxx

Posted in poetry

Adrenaline Rush

I want that roller coaster feel

My emotions to be spilling out at the seams

To be on the edge of my seat

Like a terrible 80’s horror movie.

I don’t want to settle into a repetitive sequence

Taking on the same morbid role

As a piece of factory machinery

Which like an ever slowing pulse

Thuds, and thuds, and thuds eternally.

I want to be everything that youth stands for.

I want to be wild and loud

The regrets-but-at-least-they-happened

Not to be constantly second guessing my actions.

Wondering about work, putting off plans.

I want my fight or flight instincts to kick in

I want that adrenaline rush-

-And I’m going out there to get it.

 

-E

 

P.s. Just a little something to kick off the New Year 😉

Posted in poetry

Poem: Stuck Record

Stuck in the same moment

My brain gets stuck in the same moment

Never ageing, never growing,

It feels like these grudges won’t let go

Of me

I bottle it up

But never set it out to sea

When will my head be free?

I’m a scrambled

Up game of cats cradle

Where do I start

When will I end?

Why don’t you try and untangle me

Run your fingers through my hair

Remind me of how it feels

To have you be there.

Because I try to let things go

I want to let the hurt dissipate

But I’m a stuck record

And I can’t change track

Unless you help me switch the Vinyl

Play some Beatles

Give me Doris Day

Anything to get the happy go lucky girl back.

Because I know you miss her

You want sunshine

And I give you clouds of grey.

You want happily ever after

Like we always talked about

But I’m a short fuse these days.

Bursts of laughter

Bursts of rage

And you’re afraid to get too close

To the ever present danger zone.

 

-E

 

 

 

Posted in poetry

Poem: Buckfizz & Merriment

Christmas time, when all the children are grown up

And the parents are being spoilt for a change.

When you sleep through the stocking being placed in your room

Whereas years before you were up at the start of day.

When you walk downstairs

And smell the dinner cooking

The coffee brewing

And everyone in one room – for once.

And the dinner table, laid with white, gold and red.

The streams of alcohol, freely flowing

And your mother glowing with pride

At her perfectly crisp roasties.

The Christmas crackers, terrible jokes, bad trivia games

And much much more.

These are all a part of this time of year.

No matter how much older we all get-

We’ll always reunite here.