Posted in Love & Relationships

Love, What is it Good For?

This is a topic that I have been wanting to discuss on my blog for a while now.

I’m not criticising or even saying that this is everybody’s experiences but would like to merely observe and point out my own findings in this area.

Love. The strange chemical reactions that bounce around in our brains. It is literally like a drug, we crave it, we look for it.

I mean we all on some level want to feel the closeness of another human being. It’s like the itch that lives just beneath your skin when you have a secret to tell.

It’s almost like you’re saying, “Please get to know me, unearth all the hidden intricacies that live within me. I want to show you, I want to show someone.” And when you’re with them everything else melts away. Your heart picks up speed around them, there are very little boundaries between you.

You have essentially revealed your deepest darkest self to them. It can be dangerous.

But it can also produce a high like no over, all those endorphin’s seeping out from your skin like a thousand doves being released all at once. It can be freeing – but also binding.

Relationships and love in particular can also bring out our inner demons. Things that you previously didn’t have to think about all of a sudden seem relevant.

Envy, short temperateness and claustrophobia can also ensue in small doses. You can literally turn into a whole different person at times.

I wonder if that’s a natural response- to feel territorial?

It makes you wonder, what are they doing? Shouldn’t you go and see them? And little things that never bothered you or them suddenly come up.

Then again, that in a way is the gamble. You are literally showing someone every facet of your personality. Over time they’re going to see all your mood swings and emotional outbursts which seem to be over petty things.

All those things that beforehand you were able to tuck neatly away and show them a pre-made Marks and Spencer’s Own Dish rather than that shitty Tesco ready-meal that exists between the hours of 11-1pm before you’ve properly manufactured the pristine “everyday” appearance.

Wow, that was a bit of a ramble.

Sorry about that, but those were just my thoughts. My point is that relationships are revealing in the way that it is almost as though you gained access to your significant others mind.

But it’s definitely worth it in my own opinion. It takes a lot to “know” someone completely.

Ciao for now,

Esther πŸ™‚

 

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Posted in Diary Entry

Broken Laptops, Bartending and A Korean Movie About A Girl Who Thought She Was A Robot.

From the title you can probably guess that today’s been quite weird.

I know my activity on this blog has been pretty much non-existent since coming to University but that’s honestly just because there has been no time for anything. It would also seem that everything good and everything horribly bad is systematically happening all at once.Β monsters-university-o

For instance, as I am typing this my laptop is currently flickering like a dodgy light shade and I’m on my period.

TMI? Sorry, but I tend to speak my mind if you haven’t already guessed. So yes, where was I? I headed back from visiting Alex in Coventry today- and grabbed the coach at 9:25 am. That is, after having a huge panic that I’d woken up late when in fact the clocks had just gone back an hour. Or is it forward…. anyway it meant that I was in fact early instead of incredibly late.

It does mean that I am missing Alex a lot right now though, especially knowing that I have no-one to wake up to in the morning.

That is, other than my six other flat mates I suppose. But you get what I mean. We also met up with James and Deed as well as James’ flat mate Juan whom I think considers himself a bit of a heart throb from what I’ve heard hehe.

bennSo yes it was very nice and very odd seeing everyone (we went to go see the movie Dr. Strange which has rekindled my love of Benedict Cumberbatch and then headed out for pizza afterwards leaving Juan to get a bus home to study.

Oh no my laptop’s glitching again which is pretty annoying but I guess I’m just going to have to live with it until it gets fixed.

Oh yeah! That’s the other thing, I ended up having a job interview today and went to the completely wrong place by accident.And apparently I start next Friday which is both good/ bad because it means yay to money but boo because I was meant to go home for my birthday that weekend and now I can’t.

Gosh I’m really missing home at the moment. Like really really and Tango I miss him as well. But I can’t really say no to Mr. Boss man because otherwise he’ll give the job to someone else. At least if nothing else I was told he preferred me because I sounded smiley on the phone.

As for the last part of this strangely complex day, I ended up going to the alternative movie societies’ screening (Dark Celluloid is there name) to watch a Korean movie where a girl i-am-a-cyborgthinks she’s a cyborg and refuses to eat and then a guy who hops around wearing a rabbit mask helps her and they both fall in love.

There was also a funny scene concerning some flying socks.

So yeah, my laptop is breaking, I’m struggling to catch up with the work I’ve missed since swapping from joint to single honours, I have a million books to read, a DBS form to fill out and a bartending job which I’m praying I won’t screw up and life is just feeling rather odd to be honest.

I think I’ll crack on with work tomorrow and fill you in on Tuesday hopefully.

-E

Posted in poetry

Harmless Love and Razor Hearts

My thoughts are open

My heart is warm

Deceit and superstition

Are slowly being drained away

Like a poison that once festered

Slowly it seeps out.

Love is harmless, questionable and complicated.

But it’s love at the end of the day

And some days I am hard as a rock

Stubborn, irritable and like a girl crying wolf

But others, more often now

I lead with my heart and my feelings

Not so headstrong

But still strong enough to push the demons away

In return for your millionaire smile

Which is priceless to me

So forget the pointy shards of glass that dig into you

Because they are made of ice

And you melt them with a kiss.

-E

 

Posted in poetry

Lifeline

Even if I cut all ties with the world

A piece of thread would still connect us,

Silver and durable

Not even the Fates could cut it.

All your easy smiles

That wash away the big bad thoughts

That threaten me with gnashing teeth

And long sharp claws.

Are instantly thwarted with your magic words

And a ruffling of hair.

You are my lifeline

Eternal, constant, the one certain light-

At the end of the tunnel.

Making life simply good again.

 

E.K.